Please ignore the screeched curses from the kitchen and the banging of pots and pans as I pretend to be calm about tomorrow's dinner. Instead listen to the true intent I hope my voice has as I tell you all to have a wonderful holiday, regardless of whichever holiday you may celebrate with the returning of the sun's light. And I pray that you are more prepared than I am, despite my fervent prayers, wishes and promises to myself that next time, I will do better. I don't think Bob belives me that the quiet mumblings to myself are Christmas Carols like I told him.
This evening as I await the oven to finish it's self cleaning cycle so that my muffins and pecan pies do not smell of burning grease as it smokes from the bottom of the oven, I decided to take a few minutes to send out some holiday cheer. Truly, I hope all your families are happy and safely tucked away into their cozy (northern people) or comfortably air conditioned (southern people) homes enjoying the company of their family and other loved ones. If you're like our family, there's probably already been some raised voices, bruised feelings and other assorted emotional ridiculousness, but hopefully like us you see your way through it all. If Mom is telling you that those mumblings to herself as she scurries about preparing the feast are Christmas carols, just run with it. Better yet, offer to wash the dishes. You'll be the favorite kid for at least an hour. Whatever you do, do not mock her by telling her to calm down. I promise you will realize within 5 seconds that she was in fact calm.
And if, like me, you are feeling harried, let me offer some advice:
1. Remember to breathe.
2. Remember, all bleeding stops.
3. Remember, "There are four kinds of homicide; felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy". Lecherous asshole Uncle Harold, would most likely fall into last two categories but it's hard to be jolly from a jail cell until the court rules with you.
4. Do not pick up that open shift on Friday night because someone called in sick... Your family appreciates your sanity. Especially when said sanity is notably lacking.
5. And for us knitters... Today is not the day to think, "You know, that cabled poncho really needs a slick little blue panel that connects the two ends. What, I can't find a knotwork piece that fits it but this cool metalwork piece can easily be translated to knit work? Well, let me just chart that out, I'm sure it will only take a few minutes to work it all out." Yeah, really not the day for that.
But forgive me for being a bit smug about it's success. Screw pecan pies, I have a nifty blue panel.
At least I didn't decide to attack the seaming of the sweater. Even my sanity has limits, just ask the dogs. They've seen that scary dark edge.
Truly, I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday.