Dear all....

Jonathan has been keeping me posted on all the lovely words about me here, and I decided that I simply had to write something myself.

I've glanced over the messages here and have seen that the last week or so pretty much every message has been about me or concerning me, and I cannot express in words how gratefull I am for all your loving words and support.

My health has its ups and downs, I underwent surgery a while ago and now have a stoma, which is highly embarassing because it keeps making bubbling sounds, to which Jonathan usually comments 'are you taking a dump in front of me...AGAIN?' it may sound rude but I am actually extremely gratefull for someone NOT treating me like what I am which is someone with cancer, don't get me wrong I am grateful for everyones concern, but sometimes I just don't want to discuss the fact that i am, to put it bluntly, dying

I had the doctor over yesterday to discuss euthanasia, it was a surreal experience, but I am happy I have the possibility to not go through the inevitable last stage of this dreadfull disease.

Also I had several meetings with my oncologist who has been very straight with me, and has told me to not hope to get over this, he isn't sure what my life-expectancy is, but he is fairly certain that I won't make it till the end of summer, something I seem to have less dificulty accepting than those around me.

On the up side, at the moment I have more good days than bad, and I have started knitting once again, though its slow progress and its extremely tiresome, also I have decided to conduct the final concert of the student orchestra i worked with, so that will take place this weekend, we are doing Mahler's 5th

That's about it for now, please if there is anything anyone of you wants to know, don't hesitate to ask, either I will read it, or I'll hear about it from Jonathan.

all my love to everyone here,



albert's picture

You are dealing with what most of us fear and avoid thinking about. We all wish you peace, serenity and blessings.

chipsir's picture

How good to hear directly from you Jason. I think you are a very brave young man and I think it is wonderful that you will be able to do the conducting. I hope all goes well and you do not find it to tiring. Glad to hear also that you are having good days, please try to keep your spirits up and I will be thinking of you and sending warm thoughts and big hugzzzzzzzzzz your way.

QueerJoe's picture

Good to hear from you's amazing how your profile picture and words can brighten my day immediately.

mrossnyc's picture

It's good to hear from you, enjoy the conducting this weekend. Glad you are having some good days as well. Sounds like you are in a good space mentally about everything. We're all wishing you the best and thinking of you.

ronhuber's picture

Thanks for writing, Jason, and telling us what is going on in your life. You are important to all of us.

rjcb3's picture

Oh, Jason!!!

It's so good to see your picture and to read your words.

...and it's good to know that you're able to take comfort in your knitting and music -- what you love to do.


rjcb3's picture

Oh, Jason!!!

It's so good to see your picture and to read your words.

...and it's good to know that you're able to take comfort in your knitting and music -- what you love to do.


MMario's picture

Sounds like both you and Jonathan have things pretty squared away. There will most likely be times in the next few months this is NOT so; you are both only human. So emember you BOTH have this group where you can come and unload.

MMario - I'm not divorced from reality - we're having a trial separation

canie's picture

Jason all i can say is your very much Loved and keep up the fight ,You never know what can happen , In my prayers every day .Love Bobby

thairapist's picture

Peace to you Jason and Jonathan.
You have a special road ahead of both of you.
My wishes are that your angels stay close to you now and comfort you.

potterdc's picture


You are truly a gift to us! Thank you for everything that you wrote so straightforwardly. Reading your words about not living until the end of the summer and discussing euthanasia - I can't tell you how much I appreciate your honesty, and what on all different levels it teaches me. As Albert wrote below, you are dealing what most of us fear and avoid thinking about. You are a true warrior.

I am including you and Jonathan in my thoughts and spiritual practice.

Jonathan in DC

Think less, enjoy it more.

Think less, enjoy it more.

VTandPTguy's picture

WONDERFUL to see your picture and to read your words! Will be thinking of you this weekend --and of the beautiful music you will be making with your students. You add so much light to our lives. Much love, -John

Crafty Andy's picture

Visit Crafty Andy's Blog
Good to hear from you Jason. As we have life we have to live and you are a great example of living life to the fullest. Thanks for sharing your life with us and let's see what's around the corner. The great thing about life is you never know what is around the river bend. Here is to your life and our lives, may we all live with dignity and joy! You know that we all share our love for you deeply. Life , death and rebirth, a cycle, you are made of stardust and matter is never destroyed just transformed.
If you take the decission of eutanasia We will like to know, I know I will like to know and you have my support whatever you choose! Anything can happen!

steve kadel's picture

it was good and sad to hear from you. even before you wrote, as you can guess, you have been on the thoughts of many. i have enjoyed knitting something for you. with each stitch i am able to reflect on big ideas about life and death and suffering and choice. i am so grateful to you for that.

all my love


we put birds on things

crmartin's picture

Good to hear from you, you are very much in my thoughts and prayers. Glad to hear you will be performing this weekend.



Elemmaciltur's picture

The c-sharp minor, eh? Such majestic opening to the Trauermarsch. Seems a bit dramatic to me, but I think it is kind of fitting. I will definitely be thinking of you this weekend (and not only then).

Lots of hugs!

Joe-in Wyoming's picture

Dearest Jason - May you have a wonderful concert. Mahler, while not my favorite composer, seems fitting for right now. It may be tiring, but I admire that you wish to do the conducting. I'll be sending warm thoughts and energy to you. Blessings and love to you, Jonathan, and those around you. - Joe -- Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

OzarkMtMan's picture

Thank you for taking the time and expending the energy to share you circumstances and your thoughts with us.

Your eloquence and bravado are truly inspiring. Mahler's 5th, eh? I am oh so impressed that you will perform a composition of such incredible strength! It seems appropriate to the nature of your being, as you are displaying in the face of such an enormous trial.

I had been away looking for a place to move to in Eureka Springs. The last I knew you were starting the Ocean Waves scarf pattern and beginning treatments. I got a kick out of seeing it develop at the same time that I was knitting a different colorway version. I came back home here to your news and was sort of dumbstruck by it all.

I am glad to know that you are still knitting, and hope to see more pics of your color choice for Ocean Waves. Knitting has done much to help save my sanity through difficulties. It is such a blessing for us.

You remain in my prayers. I'll definitely be send you some extra angels. One can never have too many.

You let go of it, it let go of you.

Velcro Confucious

Asplund's picture

Thanks for taking the time to write a post, Jason! Somehow it feels so good reading your own words and knowing your creativity and people close to you bring you so much comfort and joy. All the best!

kylewilliam's picture

Jason -

We're all so happy to hear from you (can you tell?) - and thankful that you are comfortable enough with us that we can be kept informed about what's going with your treatments. There are so many people all over the world keeping good thoughts for you right now -

you are also aware (I'm sure) of our little pet project - it's a cumulative effort and so many people are working on it - Jonathan is helping us get it to you -

give yourself a big hug and please - don't be embarassed - you are the picture of courage and we're all happy to get a note from you!




Jason: I want to say that I have not been around this year too much because I had my own health problems to deal with and now I am hearing of yours. I am sorry about what is happening to you, but I am grateful for what I am seeing.

I see you handling yourself with courage and honesty. I see others who are reaching out to you because of the impact that you have made on them. I just wanted to say that I have placed you on my list as one of those people who teach us through their words and actions. For what it is worth, you have taught me something about living, dying, honesty and integrity. God bless you Jason. You are a great man.



Aaronknits's picture

It's great to hear from you Jason. You have such incredible spirit! We love you.

eyedoc's picture

It's wonderful to hear from you as everyone else has already said. You are in our thoughts and prayers everyday. This website is so much more than just a site for men who knit. It has brought together an international mix of people that very obviously care about each other. I thank you for your part in making a great place to be.

May the peace of all-encompassing love be with you and Jonathan!


grandfatherknits's picture

Jason -
I am THRILLED at seeing your face looking back at me from the MWK page! It sounds like you've got a great caregiver in Jonathan! (Don't all us boys like making those body noises? I remember farting contests as a kid - longer, louder, etc.)

I'm glad you have a good caregiver and it sounds like your doctors are pretty up front with you. If/When there are dark times when you feel afraid, remember that around the world we are all loving you and thinking of you. And once the blanket arrives, I hope it will be a tangible sign of that care.


rc_in_sd's picture

Jason, you impressed me so much when I first joined this site. Your fair isle work is amazing, you're brilliantly talented in music as well, and yet you remained so warm and humble through all your postings. Little did I know how deep your strength is. You're a beautiful man in all aspects, and you've enriched so many lives with the gifts and talents you share so generously. MMario said it best when he talked about the sense of community that has been created through this site. I'm very sorry that it happened this way, but it's one more example of what a positive effect you continue to have in peoples' lives. Love and warmth and prayers to you and gratitude from all of us!

RickeScott's picture

Best of luck with the concert. Your students are a lucky lot. I'm praying that your good days continue to outnumber the bad. You're an inspiration!

Mnjack's picture

What a wonderful way to start my day, to see your note and face again. I really want you to know how much you have helped everyone by being so honest and up front about your condition. I pray the good days will continue to out number the bad, and that you will be able to keep knitting. Your work is amazing. Good luck with the concert. You are in my thoughts & prayers. Hugs. Jack

YarnGuy716's picture


Let me add my name to those who are so happy to see a posting from you. Seeing your profile picture and reading your words, still with that sense of humor in spite of it all... I can't put into words what will properly explain how I feel. You're facing this bravely and honestly and most impressively, as yourself. You're simply being the Jason we've all known and come to love and will always remember.

It's good to hear that you are knitting when you can, and you will be conducting your student orchestra. I'm sure you will inspire them to play spectacularly. I know we would all love to hear how that goes.

For however long you're with us, I wish you peace and happiness. We're all here for you if you need us, you're always in our thoughts.

With love and many hugs...

Shibaguyz's picture

Three years ago I lost a good friend to this particular cancer beast. It was not easy on any of us… his family included. He explored the same options you are right now and, while is wife and kids were away for the week, slipped away quietly after his three year fight.

If that is a choice you decide to make, please know we will be sending you our best energies. It's never easy one way or the other… but the support and positive energies of friends can help.

talk to you soon...
The Shibaguyz

talk to you soon...
The Shibaguyz

Andy's picture

Your courage is inspirational. Best wishes and thoughts are with you.

Kilted Knitter's picture

It is so wounderful to hear from you! You have been missed! Have been praying for you this whole time and will continue to pray for you and for Jonathan. YOu are so blessed to have such a wounderful caregiver. It has been such a blessing to all of us here at Men Who Knit to come together as a community, and that knitting and you have brought us togther. Blessings,Healing, and Love

PhilNmtl's picture


You've read enough to know that we are holding you in one huge hug. Shalom! - Phil

jerzy pl.'s picture

All the best!!!
jerzy pl.

jerzy pl.