Let’s get a few things clarified. The living situation requires immediate attention. I am not being forced out, nor pushed out for any other reason that the gentleman who owns the garage I’m staying in wants to use it as a shop for his collectibles. I was aware of this before, but had hoped I would have more time to raise capital and finally settle into something of my own. His reasoning is quite legitimate. Nearly 2 months should be more than enough time to secure another situation for Mario and I. (And maybe that’s my biggest gripe, not with him, but with life: I’m tired of situations. I want something constant and real and continual. I want a PERMANENT home. And I have until this weekend to find one). He has every right to pursue the plans that he has decided for himself. I understand that and plan to have coffee with him later. No ill will. I won’t step on his plans. (I don’t want that karma).
The job front. My sister posted a message on my facebook page saying how sad it was that I had not found a job yet. My uncle, more of an older brother to the proximity of our ages, when I last spoke with him, also asked after I mentioned the success I have been having with my knit teddy bears, “But, you still haven’t found a job?” I would like to say quickly, and to all manner of human within readable distance and earshot that those teddy bears have afforded me slightly more than any of the minimum wage jobs I have applied for and been denied. But even more so, those teddy bears have done a wonderful job of showing me hope. My mindset has changed, my lifestyle has changed. Of all the things in life that I have tried to be a success at, the only thing that has worked for me is a pair of double pointed needles and some yarn worked up into a sad faced teddy bear. I didn’t intend for it to happen, but just there, just where I was done with by those around me, a simple knit teddy bear gave me hope. So, I have NO intention on giving up the ONE thing that has worked for me. I do intend to give up on those associates (friends and family) who think its cute, but silly and that I should find a job….Which always makes me laugh. Don’t you think that I’ve been looking? Don’t you think I have applied at multiple places without response? I have followed YOUR plans for 20 years now….and your plan sucks. Your desire for me to wear a suit and go to a corporate institution and follow the methods set forth in the 1980′s is NOT going to happen. I tried that, remember? I tried your plan….and it gobbled me up, chewed me to pieces and tossed me into a pile of others who are also in the same economic situation. And I? I grabbed a pair of knitting needles and got to work.
The more people tell me that what I’m doing shouldn’t be long term, the more I exclude them. “That’s just something to get by on.” ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
The more people tell me that whats best for me is to get a REASONABLE income with benefits, the more I shake my head and say, “You don’t think I would? You’re a fool…..” I have been fortunate that I have been able to feed myself, start a cottage industry from scratch, and dammit, I will CLAW my way over negativity when required. I will not be stopped. I could decide to sit here and knit a bear or two just to make enough to eat, or I can follow the greatest American concept: entrepreneurialship, and create something brilliant and wonderful out of some heartache. I can BE somebody now.
So, what do I require? Positive change. Praise me, afford me a few kudos that will inspire me to take these teddy bears to the next level, and give me FINALLY a freakin’ place of permanence, a home. And if you don’t? If you want to “guide” me back into the life that destroyed me, and profess the only thing that will make me a success is to follow YOUR plan? Then I promise you, that will be the LAST conversation you ever have with me.
Moral of the story? If your dream isn’t worth sacrificing for, then its hardly a dream at all….its simply a whim. So, are we gonna dream big or not?