Getting my knitting mojo back

So, after a particularly bad experience with someone, I discovered that besides leaving me emotionally depleted and having my trust in people damaged, I have lost whatever it is that fuels my desire to knit. It's been 2 months and I just can't bring myself to pick up my needles at all and work on anything. Any suggestions on what would get the fuel back on the fire and reignite my passion for knitting? My friend just got back from TNNA and she thinks that some of the goodies she's brought back for me and stories she has to tell will help. I don't know.


ronhuber's picture

IMHO, just talking about it now means you are no the road to recovery.

Britannic's picture

I hope you are right! Thank you.

bobinthebul's picture

Oh yeah, been there... sorry to hear you went through that. I agree with sounds like you want to knit actually, or at least you want to want to knit. :) So that's just one degree of separation from actually doing it!

I had a period where I wasn't doing much, because I was so preoccupied with worries about a variety of things. Funny how sometimes after a bad experience we may want to do nothing BUT knit (at the expense of other things we need to be looking after perhaps) and at other times it just doesn't attract us. But I'm sure it will come back since you want it to.

I can say that when I did get back to knitting, I started by just doing some small easy-to-complete things. Several friends got dishcloths. Granny's Favorite. Then I finished a couple neglected pairs of socks...that made me feel better. Okay, so yes, I did start another pair that's dormant now, *but* I'm working on a Spectra Scarf and a nice knit bag, that oughta count for something. ;)

I don't know if forcing yourself to knit is the way to go, but to be cliche, doing small things that make you feel better can help a lot. Maybe not the time to take on a complex sweater project but finishing a dishcloth might actually feel good.

You don't mention details, but usually when there's depression/emotional exhaustion after a bad experience - be it a relationship or some other unpleasantness - there's a sense of loss, and it's worth challenging. It can be a sense of loss of dignity when someone treats us cruelly or takes us for a ride; or of abandonment if they dump us. Even when we know intellectually we're better off out of it, that feeling can hang on. The last time I went through something like that, what helped was to realize and remind myself that he 1) was not the only person who could provide what I hoped he would and 2) did not own my dignity, so he couldn't take it away through his own lack thereof. Whatever the details, make sure you look at what seems to have been taken from you spiritually, and claim it!

Britannic's picture

Thank you for your very thoughtful and support response. Yes, definitely think besides some anger that I am also a little depressed about the outcome of this situation.

AKQGuy's picture

First, you can't force the knit mojo. When it happens, it happens. The main thing I would be concerned with is what it sounds to me to be depression post break up. Which is quite notmal after a split with someone you thought was "the one". I normally find that it's not the person normally miss, but the hopes Ihad had for us or the person I had thought they were.

When this fades the things you loved to do will again start to offer the enjoyment they once did to you. And my advice on that? Get out. If you have a dog, do lots if walking. If not, borrow one from a friend? Spend time with those you love or when alone, focus in relearning who you are (that has always been a big part in a break up for me). Take youself to a nice dinner and a movie re-learning to be comfortable with yourself. Cook yourselfna gavorite meal, or better yet, invite a friend over to share it. Basically get out. Move, nothing like movent heals, ask any physical therapists. Eventhe heart.

The big don'ts I've discovered are don't drink. It's just an additional downer at an already low time. Don't sit home aline with the memory doing nothing but bringing yourself down (trying to force the knit mojo back falls into this category). Catch yourself whining about being single or bitchin about the ex in general public. No one likes that cranky bitter peraon, not even ourselves when we're it. And here's the big one that I've had to learn a couple times. Do not jump back into dating until you know and like yourself again and more importantly understood your own role in previous relationships and break ups. Yep, we had a part ourselves in that circus of the past and sometimes it stings to figure out what it was exactly. But it's okay as long as you learn from it before re-playing that role in the next one.

Get out. Breathe. Laugh. Be happy, you deserve it. The knitting will return with the smile.


Britannic's picture

Thank you for the support. It wasn't a romantic thing. The semi-short version is a friend of mine in Los Angeles has to put his mother in a nursing home because she was mentally very ill with a type of dementia that is like a combination of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He moved in with her for 2 years from SF and as she was going into the home she was losing her actual home so it left him homeless. The friend he was supposed to stay with bailed on him last minute. So, I did what I thought was right and left him come and stay with me (I live in NY). He stayed with me for 4 weeks. When he left, he was low on cash so I paid for his air fair back to LA. He was going to stay with a friend of his who just bought a place in LA so he could be back by his mother. Great. Six days later, he calls. The friend he was staying with kicked him out. He claims he doesn't know why (which I don't believe nor does anyone else).

I live 3,000 miles away from him. So, there's not much that I can do for him directly in this situation. I asked if he had the money to find a place to stay. If not, then I suggested he contact social services to see if there was any kind of temporary housing available as that's what they're there for. He was insulted that I suggest he go to a homeless shelter. Which is not what I said but how he interpreted the social services suggestion and said, "I thought you were my friend." That really upset me the most in this entire situation. How can you say that to someone who let you stay with them for 4 weeks and bought you a plane ticket to return home?

The next day, he texts me about wanting to come back to NY and stay with me but can't afford to fly back, etc. No apology for insulting my integrity as a friend. Just a response that translates to "I want more and I don't care about how you feel at all! What I want and need is more important than how you feel." When I replied to him, I told him that he hurt my feelings and that I didn't appreciate his attitude towards me. Then he unleashed a tired about how I'm selfish and all I care about is my money.

Ultimately, I had to do what for me is the most difficult thing for me to do when someone I care about is in trouble and pain and in need of help: refuse him. He has since told me to never call or text him again and that I'm a terrible person. While I feel terrible for not helping him further, at the end, I felt that I was being used and taken advantage of and mistreated and I can't and won't help someone who would treat me that way. I have never had anyone treat me like this ever in my life. He even tried calling some of my friends after the fact to ask them to ask me to send him money or to ask them for money. I mean, this is just a terrible situation with a person whose true colors have been revealed and for whom I should really feel no regrets over.

However, when all has been said and done, the result of the situation is that I cannot get myself motivated to do any knitting at all. I don't regret helping a friend (as he was at the start of the whole situation) but I regret letting someone like him get to me and make me question two very fundamental components of my character, my compassion and willingness to do anything that I can to help a friend in need.

AKQGuy's picture

Though there may have been no "romance" in the relationship, it's hert break effect is the same. Mainly because you let someone live with you, you wrapped part if your life around them so there's an emptiness when they're gone, just like whem a lover is absent or a really close friend. There is still a loss and a grieving.

You did right. It sounds as though he is a user, and you needed to put yourself first. You're on the path, but like I said, same rules apply. Keep it up, and just look at the voices here that hve aleeady risennup in support. You have family in all sorts of way when you are able to see it.


ronhuber's picture

I would do exactly what he wants - never text nor call him again. Friendship is a two way street. You certainly did your part.

Your "friend" is using classic passive-agressive moves. Don't look back..........move on unencumbered!! Best wishes....knitting is a wonderful healer.

a_strange_boy's picture

Sorry to hear about everything that's been going on.

I'd be inclined to say that you shouldn't try to force the knitting fire, but if there's one thing which always fills me with inspiration and motivation, it's going to a yarn/craft shop and looking at all the yarn you like. Flick through the pattern books and find inspiration from them...if you do that and don't find ANYTHING you really want to knit, then I'd suggest just leaving it be for a while. It'll come back eventually.

in the unknown world
the man
threading together his need
and his needle
nods toward the smiling boy
this will keep us warm

Britannic's picture

Thanks you.

I agree that retail yarn therapy is always a good thing but really all it does is inspire to buy more yarn, not necessarily make anything out of it. lol

When I was at my LYS 2 weeks ago they had tons of yarn on sale for $1 a skein. I bought $240 worth of yarn for a little over $80 dollars! I am sure when the knitting fire reignites, I'll be happy that I have all that yarn just waiting to be knit into something for someone to love and enjoy.

scottly's picture

Mourning takes all of our energy, just remember we are a resilient species and all good things in time.

mn-don's picture

I've a somewhat similar situation happen, wish I has seen it as clearly as you are. So, thank you for helping me get clarity on my situation and I wish you find that you are the person you believe yourself to be an unselfish, caring and compassionate individual. I agree with the rest, knitting will come back when your ready for it. Don

Joe-in Wyoming's picture

An injured heart always takes time to heal. You are doing the right things to ensure that yours does heal. All of the advice is very good and you are checking options to help yourself recover from this betrayal. Remember one ARE a loving and caring person and you have done nothing wrong in this situation. The ex-friend's hurtful comments and manipulations only show him up as a less than honest person. Take care and know we are there for you. Blessings.

Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

I have to say that I used to be in the same boat. Kinda. Im one of those people who put themselves out there too far for a friend and when i can't (or won't) go any further helping them, they turn on me. happened a couple times.
What you have to remember (as did I) is that the only person you MUST take care of is yourself.
And that might sound like being selfish, but I found myself with a list of other people's problems and was trying to solve these things for them and had very little left for myself. Don't be me and don't feel guilty about setting that boundary. And I think that's the first thing caring people do when friends we've helped turn on us: blame ourselves for not doing more.
You don't have anything to guilty about, you made all the right moves.
Hope you get back knitting.

Antinuos's picture

Dear friend!
The good thing is you know you're not alone. All these men are intelligent and beautiful on your side. Count on it. I think I can say on behalf of all who make up this community knit. Over most of time to time ... everything goes! We're rooting for you.

Andy's picture

Yep, been there too!

Maybe knit a toy (or five) with some of that yarn and give it to a hospital or kids' home? Might restore your faith in humanity, knowing there are still people out there who are unconditionally grateful.

And remind yourself every now and again that one day you won't be thinking about all of this, and if you do, you'll be able to dismiss it as one of life's hiccoughs.

michaelpthompson's picture

This kind of thing is always a bummer Mark, but keep in mind that helping a co-dependent person is not necessarily a positive thing. Some people won't learn to stand on their own as long as somebody is enabling them. A true friend always does what's best, which may not be what he wants. And really, you can only help as much as you can help anyway.

Hope you get back into the knitting. To me, it's comforting. Maybe something simple like Bob says; something that doesn't take so much creative energy, but still has a satisfying result.

"All knitting is just one stitch at a time."