[mostly non-knitting content; be warned]
I'm feeling a bit thin. Bleh. I can't seem to focus on any of my projects. The argyle scarf is getting worked up fairly quickly only out of an internally-imposed obligation to finish it before Travis leaves for his next business trip to Australia in late May. He's over there right now and will not be back until the end of this month. They're just entering fall/winter weather, so I'm working hard. The dog bed has stalled after a finger-hurting rush to finally finish the tedious (but neat technique) of the applied I-Cord. All other projects (of which there are WAAAAAAAAAY too many) have been put on hold.
Been having really bad headaches that OTC pain killers do not resolve. Sinus decongestants are also powerless, it seems. Was informed that I have no neurological issues (thank God), so it is either tension headaches or "analgesic rebound headache." I was given neck stretches to do for the former and muscle relaxers to sparingly use in place of OTC pain killers for the next month to treat the latter. OMG...neck stretches are not doing anything that I can tell, and when I take a muscle relaxer, nothing happens. A similar thing happened when I was on oxycodone once. I took one and NOTHING. Didn't even get sleepy. I tried it three more nights with the same results before the doctor told me to give up. When I was getting treated for my chronic insomnia, I got put on Ambien at one point. It made me feel like I was on crack (or...at least what I think being on crack would feel like).
The worst bit of it is that I'm also waiting for my beloved Gramma to pass away. We discovered only recently that she has colon cancer. A few days after Valentine's Day, she celebrated her 98th birthday. It wasn't long after that, that they discovered something on her colon. Her CEA (Carcinoembryonic Antigen) level was at 500. In a normal person, it's only ever at 4 or 5. I went to visit her over my birthday. Her tumor is now the size of a grapefruit and although she's mostly always doped up on morphine shots AND a pain patch, she's more aware of what's happening than she was when I was there.
The trip to say good-bye was not nearly as painful as I'd expected...which isn't to say it WASN'T painful. I suppose the worst part was when she asked me who my wife was. I looked at my ring and told her I didn't have a wife. She asked "Who is your partner, then?" Knowing how she's always found my sexuality a very VERY depressing subject (she used to wake up at 2am bawling over it....), I knew she didn't mean what it sounded like she meant. I made a joke: "I don't have a partner in crime; I do all the crime myself." She laughed and said I'd better get a wife soon.
That's the last time I expect I'll ever have to hide who I am and who I love. I love that I was raised in an environment that helped keep me away from smoking and drugs...especially now that cancer's running in the family (another family member I didn't know died of colon cancer, and my dad was treated for aggressive prostate cancer). I love that they taught me how to be a gentleman and care for my fellow man. But I don't love that their religion and lack of broad-mindedness has prevented them all from really getting to know me. That's just how life goes, though, I suppose.
Meh. I needed some encouragement, and I know you all are good for it, knitting-related or not. Thank you for your camraderie...or however that's spelled.