You strumpet, you slut, you whore, you harlot, you trollope! All the finer qualities, yes!

The panic attack of a seemingly good plan going awry was beginning to wash over me. Ye Gods! The steek at the neck was falling apart and I had no patience left for such tomfoolery. These are the times that try men's souls.

The neck I refer to is this sporty little number, a 2X2 rib I am making from BabyTwist Alpaca...Hellmouth Brand, as I began to call it. I call this brazen slut, "Trixie."

Miss Trixie, while jiggling along smartly and giving me quite a bit of construction pleasure, is a strumpet, a slut, a whore, a harlot, a Trollope. I have had to cajole, whine, plead and get on my knees to caress Trixie's camel-hair into my serviceable wench of a garment. Alpaca is just so....fem!

Finally, as all men ultimately do...I remembered not to be a voyeur, but to recall this little bitch had to be gently pampered, soaked in a bath, massaged with tender care, and gently tease those slashed rents in her sides with slow and circular fingertip kisses.

It worked. I had her!...after drying the wench was ready for picking up stitches and sleeves to begin slowly stitched. We laid together exhausted, and smoked a cigarette.

I never felt(ed) like this before!


Bill's picture

I'm exhausted from just reading this...

rjcb3's picture


31 years of knitting and I've never encountered such a unique regaling.

'love it!!!


Joe-in Wyoming's picture

I very seldom smoke anymore (as in - once a year, maybe) but was tempted to go out and light one up. (Either that, or take up felting . Yuck, I need to go lay down in a dark room for awhile - cold compress over my eyes - until I return to what passes for normal for me.) -- Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

mrossnyc's picture

such a way with words...

HuskerChub's picture

Was someone calling me? Oh wait, we're talking about felting. Carry on.