Jonathan has been keeping me posted on all the lovely words about me here, and I decided that I simply had to write something myself.
I've glanced over the messages here and have seen that the last week or so pretty much every message has been about me or concerning me, and I cannot express in words how gratefull I am for all your loving words and support.
My health has its ups and downs, I underwent surgery a while ago and now have a stoma, which is highly embarassing because it keeps making bubbling sounds, to which Jonathan usually comments 'are you taking a dump in front of me...AGAIN?' it may sound rude but I am actually extremely gratefull for someone NOT treating me like what I am which is someone with cancer, don't get me wrong I am grateful for everyones concern, but sometimes I just don't want to discuss the fact that i am, to put it bluntly, dying
I had the doctor over yesterday to discuss euthanasia, it was a surreal experience, but I am happy I have the possibility to not go through the inevitable last stage of this dreadfull disease.
Also I had several meetings with my oncologist who has been very straight with me, and has told me to not hope to get over this, he isn't sure what my life-expectancy is, but he is fairly certain that I won't make it till the end of summer, something I seem to have less dificulty accepting than those around me.
On the up side, at the moment I have more good days than bad, and I have started knitting once again, though its slow progress and its extremely tiresome, also I have decided to conduct the final concert of the student orchestra i worked with, so that will take place this weekend, we are doing Mahler's 5th
That's about it for now, please if there is anything anyone of you wants to know, don't hesitate to ask, either I will read it, or I'll hear about it from Jonathan.
all my love to everyone here,